It was 2 o’clock on a chilly Saturday night in Santiago, Chile. I was bopping through the streets of Paseo Bulnes with a buddy when we began talking to a Colombian girl who needed a lighter. The conversation was brief, but fruitful. I got her number and her full name, and she told me to add her on Facebook. The next morning when I woke up at the hostal, I gave a glance at her profile to see if she really was my cup of tea…as I weaved through a few photos, it didn´t take long for my jaw to drop.  I wasn’t sure if she was my cup o’ tea, but she was definitely my cup o’ donk!! 

Definitely my cup o' dunk!!

Definitely my cup o’ dunk!!

              She had a plethora of pics that were extremely sexy…. tastefully ºawwwyeaºdacious. This girl LOVED to show skin! The pic above had been previously used as a background photo as well. Yes, you read that right! Most American girls simply save their Facebook background photo for a picture of a sunset, an ocean view, or a field of tulips. Colombian girls keep that beautiful scenery, but they always make sure that it’s WELL ADORNED…. my heart palpitated, my pupils dilated.

I added Alejandra on Facebook on a Saturday morning. The day after, when I woke up at the hostal, I noticed that I had gotten two missed calls. When I looked at the call info, I saw that it was Alejandra who had called at 8:04 AM and 8:06 AM respectively. That’s 8 o’clock on a damn Sunday morning!… too late to be a booty call, and too early to be anything else. Later in the day, I decided to shoot her a call back to investigate.

“Hey, how are you?” She asked me in English with a perfectly sexy non-native accent.

“Good, good! I saw that I got a missed call from you at 8 o’clock in the morning,” I responded.

“Oh yea….I just wanted see if you wanted to party.” She nonchalantly stated.

“Yea, but at 8 o’clock in the morning!?” I tried not to sound too incredulous.

“You are very very American.” she laughed.   “Hey, let’s meet up later today at the park.” This was a no-brainer for me since I had Monday off due to a winter vacation. I agreed, and six hours later we found ourselves sitting on a bench in the middle of Santiago’s Parque Bustamante.

As we sat next to eachother I found myself very curious to know more details about her— she was the first true South American Colombian I´d ever met!!  Well, turns out she is also 23 years old, and she’s Tourist major who moved to Chile 3 years ago. She said she loves to rollerskate and dance. Interestingly, she told me that her close group of friends in Chile is filled with people from countries all over South America like Ecuador, Venezuela, and Brazil. As we continued our discussion, I couldn´t let one thing linger— I had to address the topic of her Facebook photos. “I saw your Facebook fotos…..” I started saying.

“Did you like the them??” Her vibrant eyes lit up in anticipation for my response.

“I did…I certainly did! Especially the one on the traintracks,” I was just being honest.

“Thank you!” She beamed.

“Still, next time I think I should be your photographer… who´s even crazier!” I made my hands into a square and peered into the distance through the middle.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I mean YOUR BOOTY right here… a SPACESHIP right there. Or maybe you on PIRATESHIP holding the MAST! Extremely naked!”

She put her hand to her mouth as she laughed, “Wow. Keep thinking. The next picture I wanted to do of me ice skating. And yes, more or less naked,” She smiled and reached into her bra, pulling out a Samsung Galaxy.

“Do you always keep your phone there??” I cocked my head to the side.

“Yes I do….. it is much safer there,” She gave me a smile that was a cross between adorable and malicious.“I keep all of my things there. My cell phone, my wallet….my keys…always,” She put her hand to her cleavage. I tried my best not to over-react. I didn´t want to pull an Andy Samberg, “Jizz in my Pants,” on the first meet-up.

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“So are you full Colombian??” I asked.

“Yes, both of my parents are Colombian. What about you, are your parents European?”

“Yes, they´re European by blood, but I’m different! Do you know why?” It seemed like a good time to tease her.

“No, why?” She gave a devious smile.

“Because my first name is Christian, which is a universal name! Some names are strictly used for one race— you hear the name and you automatically know the race. Like ehmmm….Jerome, or Francisco, or…” I was drawing a blank on a good white guy name, “I guess Logan. What I’m saying is Christian is super versatile, and it’s used by many races, so technically I’m African, Latin, and a white dude….the best of each world!!” I laid back and put my arm around her.

She laughed and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Do you have fire?”

“A light? A lighter?” I batted the sides of my pockets, “No I don’t!”

“Ohhh….” She crossed her legs and looked away. “I hate when I’m missing the fire. Anything else can be missing, but the fire…THE FIRE can never be missing!” She gave me a dart-like stare. I wasn’t sure what was happening but it seemed like attention needed to be deflected.

“Uhhhh….Do you want to go climb that thing right there?” I pointed to the crazy hollow diamond structure in front of us.

She tossed the cigarette back into her pocket. “Yes, let’s climb it.”

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It was amazing to watch this girl climb.  “I love to do these kinds of things!” She exclaimed as she clung to the bright orange bars and twirled herself with grace. “Someday, when I buy my house, I want to get a stripper pole in it!”

“Nice!!” I really liked her creativity. I smiled and soaked in the moment. Here I was in the middle of Santiago, Chile, watching a sexy Colombian girl do stripper spins on a crazy gymnasium thing that looked liked it was made from K*nex.

“Can you do this?” She asked me as she dipped her head below her legs and spun toward the ground.

“No,” I replied sharply.

“Ohhhhh….okay,” Her tone dropped, “That’s fine.”

“Hey do you have any plans for the night. Something cool?” I asked.

“I do, I’m going to hang out with a friend if you want to come,” She was holding her entire body weight with only her clenched legs, and still her voice didn’t change a bit.

“Cool. That sounds cool.” I tend to overuse words when I’m around agonizingly attractive women.

“Alright, but we must take the metro. The metro is closing…” She deftly pulled her cell phone out her bra,”…in 7 minutes.”

“Are you saying we have to run to get there?” I asked.

“Yes….let’s run!!”

We bolted through the park and a series of sidewalks to get to the metro.  By the time we finally got to her friend’s apartment the stair rails, and the pole inside the metro had been Colombiatized; ridden and/or spun upon beautifully. All it takes is a good imagination and a voluptuous body and it seems like anything can be turned into a pole. Yes, people stared from all directions. No, she was not fazed!!

Captura de pantalla 2013-07-29 a la(s) 7.27.06 PMCaptura de pantalla 2013-07-29 a la(s) 7.21.56 PM              Two things became abundantly clear after hanging out with Alejandra for a few hours— she kinda’ crazy, and she LOVES being sexy. I couldn’t help but feel a certain connection, because  the way she approaches her hotness is the same way that I approach my humor. I like to make people laugh the same way she likes to make people horny, and we’re both publicly shameless in our pursuits. Yep… I need to keep hanging out with this girl!!